by Neena Strichart
Although the following is funny as heck, and I am writing it as if it really happened to me, it is NOT a true story. I took most of it from a Facebook posting from a well-known gal-about-town who also claims to have plagiarized the tale. I have elaborated on it to make it more “Neena-fied.”
I was recently at a big-box store purchasing a large bag of dog food for my greyhounds. While I was in the checkout line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. My first thought was, “Why else would I be buying dog chow?” Being in a frisky mood I told her, “No, I don’t have a dog,” and then proceeded to tell her that I was starting the doggie kibble diet again, although I probably shouldn’t. I continued with my concocted tale that the last time I was on the diet I ended up in the hospital, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with multiple tubes coming out of my veins, as well as being attached to oxygen hoses allowing me to breathe.
As the poor, gullible woman stood there horrified, I continued with my deceptive story. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all I needed to do to lose weight was to load my pockets with doggie kibble and simply eat one or two every time I felt hungry. I continued by saying that in my opinion if the dog food is nutritionally complete enough for my dogs, it must be safe for me to eat, therefore I was going to try the diet again, in spite of my previously bad experience.
By now, the folks in line behind us were eavesdropping with eyes as big as saucers, further feeding into my dream of being a stand-up comic. Mortified, the woman I was originally addressing asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no– that after several days on the diet I had stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle’s behind and was hit by a car!
The first woman stood there with her mouth hanging open, still believing my story, while the other folks in line were laughing hysterically. She finally got the joke and turned beet-red!
The moral of the story is: Be careful what you ask me when I’m in a frisky mood. You NEVER know what tale I might tell!
Remember, I told you that the story above is NOT true, but feel free to share it with a friend and make someone else smile today!
Special note: Today is that “once in a blue moon” you hear about. A blue moon occurs when there’s a second full moon in one calendar month. It won’t happen again until July 2015. According to esciencenews.com, this blue moon falls on the same day of a private memorial service for Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon.